Far East -- I always thought you were the MacGyver of cycling, since you were doing some really neat re-purposing of items for handy cycling uses, but you did not get that one either (I guess the show was not a hit in England).
From Wikipedia: "Educated as a scientist with a background as a Bomb Team Technician/EOD in Vietnam ("Countdown"), and from a fictional United States government agency, the Department of External Services (DXS), he is a resourceful agent with an encyclopedic knowledge of science, able to solve complex problems with everyday materials he finds at hand, along with his ever-present duct tape and Swiss Army knife."
I would like to be referred to as the "Julien Carron of Bremen, Germany". Oh, you don't know who Julien Carron is and, by the way, you don't know what exactly "UCI compliant" bikes are in 2012 as well?
UCI has released a fantastic powerpoint presentation about what exactly that is and the author is, you guessed it right, one Julien Carron who I suspect to be either tax auditor or Swiss precision engineer but most certainly no cyclist.