The Half-Fast-Mike Limerick Competition

May 22, 2007
3,573
1,398
143
Kawasaki
halffastcycling.com
#1
I've been out of it for a while, involved in a huge DIY home improvement project. Details are not relevant to this board. In the middle of all this I took a half-day with GSAstuto to build up the Timtanium frame he arranged for me. Very very beautiful. More details l8r when I take the dust sheet off and actually ride it!

Yesterday I received a package from Wiggle with discount coupons inside.

Limerick Competition

I will give away two Wiggle Discount Coupons, worth £10 off a £100-or-more purchase and valid until 28 February.

Rules

I need to laugh a little right now, so write me a funny limerick about cycling, preferably but not necessarily including reference to titanium. Post it in this thread.

The two that make me laugh the most this week will win! I'll PM the coupon codes to the winners.

Be aware that I am very picky about limericks scanning properly. For best results don't use too many or two few syllables, or para-rhymes that are too tenuous.

da DA da da DA da da (DA) dum
da DA da da DA da da (DA) dum
da DA da da DA
da da DA da da DA
da da DA da da DA da da (DA) dum :D

--Mike--
 
Jan 14, 2007
2,514
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Noda
japanichiban.com
#2
There is a nice cycling club, Half Fast.
They like drinking beers till the last.
When they spend beer money on Titanium
It's time to MRI their small craniums...
The #1 rule is that beer machines must not be passed.
:eek:

next....
 

FarEast

Maximum Pace
May 25, 2009
5,528
538
193
Yokohama
#3
There was a poor sod called Mike,
Who spent all his cash on a bike
It went like plutonium
Too much pressure for his cranium,
He’d Best by a helmet made of Titanium!

I'll get me coat :p
 

tamagojo

Speeding Up
Sep 25, 2009
48
0
26
Takasaki
#4
When the challenge is a writing challenge, I have to have a go.

First attempt is on the premise that flattery will get you everywhere.

There once was this punter named Mike,
Who led rides going half-fast by bike
But after battling beers, BPPV,
And a DIY job for family,
Is there not a mightier hardman than Mike?


Second attempt is to use the word titanium…

There once was this poor punter called Mike,
Slowly turning blue from no time on the bike,
But a friend with a penchant for pist,
Fulfilled Mike’s titanium wish list,
Proving the perfect panacea for his battered psyce.


Please don’t kill me… :eek:
(Also read “But a friend with” really fast or it doesn’t fit the rhythm.)
 

Wolfman

Speeding Up
Jul 31, 2007
631
18
38
Suginamiku
#5
Mustering all my poetic mastery in the post lunch battle with slumber ...

MAMILs on bikes is the way
to keep happiness day to day
to avoid the crush
the elbow and push
cycling is the way

Maybe this is not even a limerick.
 

Sikochi

Maximum Pace
Sep 13, 2010
1,144
45
68
Kochi
#6
da DA da da DA da da (DA) dum
da DA da da DA da da (DA) dum
da DA da da DA
da da DA da da DA
da da DA da da DA da da (DA) dum
Shouldn`t that be:
da DA da da DA da da (DA) dum
da DA da da DA da da (DA) dum
da DA da da DA
da DA da da DA
da DA da da DA da da (DA) dum

My mum always told me to be careful where I put my da`s...I will try later, but this is an old favourite by the prolific anon:

The lim`rick packs laughs anatomical
In space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical
 
May 22, 2007
3,573
1,398
143
Kawasaki
halffastcycling.com
#7
Shouldn`t that be:
da DA da da DA da da (DA) dum
Good point; well made. There's some wiggle room :)cool:) with the rhythm, esp. if the poet explains his timing as tamagojo has done. But if I have to think about it too much it detracts from the humour.

But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical
Limerick humour is best served dirtier than your typical mamachari chain.
 
May 22, 2007
3,573
1,398
143
Kawasaki
halffastcycling.com
#8
MAMILs on bikes is the way
to keep happiness day to day
to avoid the crush
the elbow and push
cycling is the way

Maybe this is not even a limerick.
You may have been exposed to Pam Ayres in your formative years. I'm reminded of a verse from "I wish I'd looked after me teeth":

If I'd known I was paving the way
To cavities, caps and decay,
The murder of fillings,
Injections and drillings,
I'd have thrown all me sherbet away.​
Don't ask, OK!?
 

Wolfman

Speeding Up
Jul 31, 2007
631
18
38
Suginamiku
#10
Here's another go:

In hard worked titanium we find 
A joy of ride sublime 
To coast up the hills 
Descend without spills 
It titillates quite divine
 
#12
They're supposed to be bawdy and offensive, right?

There once was a bike made of ti
So speedy it surely could fly
It hugged tight corners
Onlookers had boners
But the girlfriends left at home did cry

There once was a rider half-fast
Whose old bike he kinda trashed
It got a big ding
So it was time for new bling
And by titanium it was surpassed

There once was a bike split in two
Though it was shiny and brand new
A brand new steed
Capable of any deed
Even pack in a suitcase, it's true!

There once was a cyclist name mike
Who got a pretty shiny bike
He'd head to the hills
For giggles and thrills
Too bad his new ride was a dyke.

There once was a cyclist half-slow
For long rides often would go
But where was the beer?
No, no never fear
There a vending machine in only a kilo

I didn't read the others first--apologies for possibly reusing obvious rhymes :D
 

WhiteGiant

Maximum Pace
Nov 4, 2006
1,192
240
93
Kita-Ueno
#15
OMG, what is this mess?
These novice rhymes cause such distress,
Although this be no better,
"Mike's Ti Bike" 's the header,
Half-arsed, we then fill in the rest.
 
#16
You can't pronounce it newbie...

There once was a very long hill
And many a noob it would kill
They'd gasp and they'd gasp
And try to the last
Cause going down was such a great thrill

This is what I did today
With many a word I'd play
I'd try time and time
Until I found rhythm
My bike looked on in dismay
 

Badar

Warming-Up
Sep 24, 2010
88
1
0
Tokyo
#17
What the hell has happened to this forum,
where has gone our strict cycling de-corum?

Just for a coupon worth few dimes,
everyone's working on their rhymes.

For a £10 discount that you might get,
£100 shopping you must not forget!

Certainly, I am not in this stupid race,
more interested is his new titanium pace.

Gone is your heavy steel frame
you are riding this shiny titanium,
but why don't you come to your senses
oh dear Mike Sims William...?
 

Sikochi

Maximum Pace
Sep 13, 2010
1,144
45
68
Kochi
#18
I did a lesson on limericks for my TESOL before I came here and out of the ones I found when planning the lesson, these were my favourites. Enjoy...I think...:eek:

There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

There once was a man from Peru,
Who dreamed of eating his shoe,
he awoke with a fright,
in the middle of the night,
and found that his dream had come true!

There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think...
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
After the ride
She was inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger.

A mouse in her room woke Miss Doud
Who was frightened and screamed very loud
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and meowed

There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!'

Archimedes, the well known truth-seeker
Jumping out of his bath, cried "Eureka!”
He ran half a mile,
Wearing only a smile,
And became the very first streaker.

There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When asked why this was,
He replied "It's because
I always try to fit as many syllables into the last line as ever possibly I can."
 

Sikochi

Maximum Pace
Sep 13, 2010
1,144
45
68
Kochi
#19
After my marathon post last night, I was thinking it is probably a good idea to switch this thread to a new title, say limerick competition, and start up a new `Today - February 2011` one.

You may have been exposed to Pam Ayres in your formative years. I'm reminded of a verse from "I wish I'd looked after me teeth":
Please no more Pam Ayres. I spent all yesterday afternoon coming over all `Ooh Aah` which led to a yearning to requisition a piece of agricultural machinery:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb63PdPweDc&feature=related

followed by a craving for an alcoholic drink made from apples: woodpecker preferably.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fF8SvRRqF8&feature=related

`You made I laugh`