Tanzanian Warrior-King

Deej

Maximum Pace
Oct 13, 2007
1,018
149
83
Setagaya
#1
Today was a short, fast ride to Shiroyama Lake near Hashimoto. The fall foliage was stunning. If you haven't been there, and don't have time to make it to the mountains, I recommend it. Jules -- I would have given you a heads-up, but I made a decision to go at the last minute. Next time!

Again, I'd like to stress that I'm not competitive. However, threats to my supremacy along the Onekan can only have a destabilizing effect on my kingdom and subjects, and so must be dealt with swiftly, aggressively and, most importantly, with panache.

Today, I once again dueled with a few renegades along the thoroughfare between Yanokuchi and Hashimoto, and again emerged victorious every time. Let's face it -- the kid is good.

Having made this journey many times, I've learned how to accurately tell the pretenders from the contenders at a glance. The following is a brief guide to my decisionmaking process.

You will not be able to keep up with me if:

1. You are wearing a fanny pack. This tells me you are just making the jump from pottering and are probably carrying an SLR camera, a full-size wallet and cigarettes. Consider yourself Deejinated.

2. You are riding a bike that says "Y's Collection" or "Antares." Sometimes, it is about the bike.

3. You are wearing Assos from head to toe. This tells me you worry more about looking good than being able to maintain a punishing pace for an extended period.

4. You are wearing a full professional team kit. Especially Discovery Channel* or Astana. Out the way, newbie bandwagoneer, Deej has a new Personal Best to set. Deejination is also imminent for those wearing Yellow Jerseys, Polka Dot Jerseys or Green Jerseys -- you don't even know what they mean, do you?

*Mike, who is a Speedy Gentleman, has a Discovery kit. But he's, you know, Australian.

5. You are wearing Rapha from head to toe. OK, you may be fast, but my annoyance at your preening dandiness and sense of sartorial superiority will power me past you every time. And to the Rapha dude who smirked at me today, remember this: My yellow helmet, black jacket and neon-blue pants may have appeared like a color-coordinator's nightmare to you, but when you smirk at me, you're smirking at the flag of the Republic of Tanzania. Deejbait.

6. Your shoulders rock with every pedal stroke. Our gap widens with every watt you lose.

7. Your helmet is sitting way back on your head, exposing your feathered bangs. Please, guys, that not only looks extremely lame, but it's half-defeating the purpose of wearing a helmet in the first place.

8. You have a big saddle bag that sways back and forth with every pedal stroke. There's no way a guy with a big, sloppy saddle bag can be faster than me.

9. You are not Japanese. Sure, there are faster gaijin out there, but I've yet to meet one on the Onekan. :p

You may be faster than me if:

1. You are wearing white from head to toe. This tells me you are a confident mofo who feels he has earned the right to wear all white. This could hurt.

2. You are not wearing a helmet. This tells me you think you are fast enough to get away with this -- and maybe you are. You also think helmets are for losers. You're a loose cannon and could make my ride very painful.

2. You are only wearing shorts, a jersey and armwarmers in cold weather. You are a hardman. I must choose my moment to escape carefully; this guy may be able to reel me in quickly.

3. Your stem is 120mm or longer. Sprinters prefer longer stems to keep their front wheels from lifting when hitting the gas. Also, a long stem tells me you probably have ridden long enough to be able to handle the longer stretch and understand its benefits.

4. You have no saddle bag. You're probably a gram-counter. That means you're probably fast. You're still gonna get Deejinated, fool.

5. You are track-standing when I roll up to the intersection. You like to explode out of the gates. Well so do I, sucker!

6. Your kit is a mish-mash of brands and colors, and well-worn. This is a guy who is so confident about his abilities that he just throws on whatever's clean. Dangerous. I will attack him on the climbs and hope he gets caught at a light. Whatever it takes, baby.

So who wants to go for a nice, leisurely spin with me along the Onekan? :D

I should add that three years ago, I thought Campagnolo was a brand of clothing, had no idea what a compact crank was or that I was in fact using one. And I came *this* close to buying a polka dot jersey. :)

Deej
 

FarEast

Maximum Pace
May 25, 2009
5,528
538
193
Yokohama
#2
Deej..... absoultely excellent! You just discribed my mindset every morning on my commute along 246. Really made me laugh ...thank you.
 

Ludwig

Speeding Up
Oct 9, 2008
871
0
36
Setagaya-ku, Tokyo
#3
Deej, very entertaining. I have to admit I'm rather single-minded. I go my speed and somehow this means I always overtake others and nobody has ever overtaken me, in my living memory...:cool:

But I'm not focused on chasing other riders :angel: - if anything, I like to chase cars and trucks.:D Yesterday, I overtook two cars and a motorbike down on the descent from Yamabushi and they were very surprised.:eek: And I was surprised I was far enough ahead to fill up my water bottle at the Holy Fountain before they passed me...:p

The other day though I overtook a rider on the Tamagawa cycling path and didn't think much until the guy started chasing me which was terribly obvious from the fact that even though he was slow when I passed him, he caught up with my not so slow speed. I then slowed down as I was approaching obviously not so careful walkers, mamacharis etc. and he slowed with me. I stayed slow and he stayed slow. I accelerated all of a sudden to over 40km/h and while he couldn't keep up initially, he caught up eventually. I slowed down again to a crawl, for no reason other than to test whether he would pass me. No, he stubbornly stayed in my draft (and yes, there was some headwind). Eventually I reached the point where I had to leave the path to head towards Setagaya-dori, and lost him there.

I don't like wheel-suckers if they don't have the guts to take the lead. But otherwise I don't really care about others...;)
 

m o b

Speeding Up
Jun 22, 2008
341
23
38
Bremen
cyclitis.wordpress.com
#6
Looking Good

Yes, looking good is so important in road cycling. That's why I am riding a Cervelo I guess.

For the Tokyo Enduro I will :

1. Carry a rucksack
2. Stick a Y's collection sticker on my Cevelo frame
3. Wear my Assos jacket and gloves ...
4. ... and underneath my Euskatel team jersey
6. use my right leg more than my left one (now confirmed by modern technology)
7. wear the helmet of my son way in the back
8. leave the saddle bag on and
9. bring my German passport.

Then I will ambush Deej on the track.

From my own experience I would add the following points to this already very comprehensive list:

Cannot keep up if:

10. Riding a DRECK, ooops TREK bike. DRECK bikes usually come in combination with rucksacks, funny trousers and a general feeling of bicycle lifestyle as promoted in glossy magazines. GIANT bike riders come a close second.

11. Wearing oversized, non aerodynamic eyewear, mostly in very dark colors. Sometimes as flap-up/down version in front of prescription glasses.

Can keep up if:

7. Significant amouts of muscles, possibly emphasized by bulging venes are detectable at both legs between the knees and the heels. Not covered by trousers or socks regardless of the season.

8. We are going up Wada and the other one has at least 30 kg less body weight.
 

Mike

Maximum Pace
Sep 24, 2007
1,066
9
58
Kanagawa
#7
Deej, so I guess guys riding on a discovery team bike while decked out in the full team kit must get you psyched too.......oops that's also me:confused:
 

jdd

Maximum Pace
Hardest Crash
Jul 26, 2008
2,512
639
133
Kanazawa
#8
...

3. Your stem is 120mm or longer. Sprinters prefer longer stems ...

Deej
Hmm...

I've looked at this thread for a day or so now, and I'm trying to figure out how to comment on this without really commenting on this...
 

Deej

Maximum Pace
Oct 13, 2007
1,018
149
83
Setagaya
#9
Deej...what you wrote is simply masterful. You're not only masterful on the road - Onekan and all them toges - but also when it comes to creative writing. I loved it.
Thanks, Tom, you silver-tongued angel! I'm firing my my agent and giving you the job. :)

You know, you meet many of the conditions for being faster than me. I hope I don't encounter you along the Onekan!

You just discribed my mindset every morning on my commute along 246.
Ha! That must be a daily epic battle. If I may ask, what bike do you commute on?

No, he stubbornly stayed in my draft (and yes, there was some headwind). Eventually I reached the point where I had to leave the path to head towards Setagaya-dori, and lost him there
I had a similar experience that lasted from Haijima to Chofu. The guy -- all white kit, no helmet -- stuck with me for a punishing 15-20km after I had the "effrontery" to pass him. I have to give him credit, though, because he stayed several bike lengths behind me, presumably to indicate that he didn't need to draft. When we parted ways, I turned to wave and thank him for the excitement, but he stared straight ahead, wearing a stony expression.

I should also say that I don't go out looking for races. What happens is this. I'm riding along, rather briskly, and I pass someone. That person then decides that they do not want to be passed and so accelerate. I then let them know, through accelerations of my own, that if they don't want to be passed, they shouldn't have been going so slowly in the first place.

Also, I make a point of waving to or saying konnichiwa or ohayo to every cyclist I encounter on the Onekan. So it's not like I'm Darth Vader out there. Don't let my testosterone-tinted writing fool you -- I'm a gentle creature, a vegetarian raised in a household of women and cats.

You know, it's a very liberating moment when you realize that in road cycling, looking the part is at least as important as anything else...
So true. Back in my pre-enlightenment days, I was happy to sport a t-shirt, fanny pack and big, sloppy saddle bag.


Then I will ambush Deej on the track.
Sounds like an excellent plan, m o b! :) I'm afraid you've tipped your hand, though. Now I know what to look for.

Deej, so I guess guys riding on a discovery team bike while decked out in the full team kit must get you psyched too
Tee hee. I forgot about your bike. Unlike m o b, I have no feelings of hatred toward Treks. And, come to think of it, anyone with Discovery gear has been riding long enough to be fast. I should remove Discovery from the list and add Garmin.

I've looked at this thread for a day or so now, and I'm trying to figure out how to comment on this without really commenting on this...
Yeah, I know. The double entendres really start flying when talk of stem lengths comes up.

Deej
 

Deej

Maximum Pace
Oct 13, 2007
1,018
149
83
Setagaya
#12
Ahhh.... I ride my Pinarello FP3.

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Although I do use a different pari of wheels for commuting and training
And yes that is my actual bike :)
Yowza! That's a heck of a commuter. Beautiful. I sensed from your previous mention of hitting high speeds on your commute that you weren't riding a beater. I guess you can take your bike into your office, or at least somewhere in your building? Also, do you commute in cycling clothes?

Deej
 

thomas

The Crank Engine
Nov 1, 2005
1,808
215
93
多摩区
#14
Deejerific account, really enjoyed it! I am still undecided about whether being a warrior-king is actually compliant with utilising a compact crank or not...

Nah, I'm just kidding. Or am I? :p
 

FarEast

Maximum Pace
May 25, 2009
5,528
538
193
Yokohama
#15
Yowza! That's a heck of a commuter. Beautiful. I sensed from your previous mention of hitting high speeds on your commute that you weren't riding a beater. I guess you can take your bike into your office, or at least somewhere in your building? Also, do you commute in cycling clothes?

Deej
Yeah, the partners are pretty good and they let me park it in the office....get some odd looks in the lift though. Also wear cyclying clothes on the commute too.
 

Deej

Maximum Pace
Oct 13, 2007
1,018
149
83
Setagaya
#16
hi deej. yes! wow! lets do it! i am going to bunny hop the dudes-in-white and slash their tyres. chk my profile for jungle style.
You're speaking my language, Jules! We will go...totally...insane.

This Saturday morning, I'm thinking about taking the train to Takao (Keio line from Meidaimae), and doing a mild mountain loop without too many crazy, tire-shredding rindos. Let me know if you're keen. The plan is for an easy pace and to simply enjoy nature and the joy of being on a bike. Jungle style optional.

Another option is a morning Onekan-Shiroyam Lake-Coffee-Onekan run. That could be fun, too.

Yeah, the partners are pretty good and they let me park it in the office....get some odd looks in the lift though. Also wear cyclying clothes on the commute too.
You lucky dog!

Deejerific account, really enjoyed it! I am still undecided about whether being a warrior-king is actually compliant with utilising a compact crank or not...

Nah, I'm just kidding. Or am I?
I thought we established that compact cranks are even more hardcore than standard. Because they're, like, smaller and, uh, more compact and ... let me get back to you on that.


Deej
 

andy_w

Warming-Up
Feb 4, 2009
143
4
0
Tokyo
tri-japan.blogspot.com
#17
hi deej. yes! wow! lets do it! i am going to bunny hop the dudes-in-white and slash their tyres. chk my profile for jungle style.
Hey Jules, put an oily chain mark on a phantom riders outfit from me! It will be payback for an incident along the Tamagawa a month or so back. Peter and I returning from a ride of the touges Yabitsu and Wada, making great progress through the usual weekend traffic.
We passed one of these phantom riders early on, I thought nothing else of him until I looked behind to see him drafting along behind us, for several km looking like he had no intention of going past, just getting his breath back.
Instead, he was waiting for his moment - it came on one of those Z bends, near Fuchu. His attack was decisive, and left no room to grab his wheel, as it was the lower of the z bend with plenty of other riders coming down the drop and a crowd of people at the top.

We kept him in our sights all the way to Noborito, and almost caught him several times before he squeezed through some death defying gaps between momacharis and bmx baseballers.

He was moving, and so were we (mainly Peters work), and I really enjoyed passing other riders on Cervelo bikes that day, all kitted out in team colours, sitting on my Dreck!

But one day phantom rider, I will find you and sit on your wheel all the way from Hachioji to Noborito. Except you have probably never been beyond the end of the Tamagawa bike path. In that case, wherever your back wheel will be, I will draft it.
 

Jules

Speeding Up
Nov 8, 2009
143
21
38
Tokyo, Uehara
fairmean.com
#18
hey deej. unfortunately sunday is the only day i can get out. i would like to ride w people, to build my stamina and structure my body properly, so long constant rides (on a sunday) would be super-fab. it seems saturday is your day. if you are up for a 3-4 hr sunday morning ride or something pls let me know. anybody else out there who is on the odakyu line side of town, hit me up! these phantom dudes have got me intrigued.
 

trucksan

Speeding Up
Aug 5, 2006
57
1
26
Narita
#19
bipedal nudity

Were do we all stand on the shaven or unshaven legs. Is it a fashion statement or a sign of commitment to the master of faster.
 

WhiteGiant

Maximum Pace
Nov 4, 2006
1,192
240
93
Kita-Ueno
#20
Possibilities...

You may be faster than me if:

1. You are wearing white from head to toe. This tells me you are a confident mofo who feels he has earned the right to wear all white. This could hurt.

Deej
So, you're saying that all I need to do is buy this, and I "may" have a chance?

proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wiggle.co.uk%2Fimages%2Flightweight-skinsuit-set-zoom.jpg&hash=6ad4889546457a17851f0a8b360dae24


Do you mind if I wait until summer though? T:(