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Manly Bike for Sale...very funny!


May 28, 2007
Bike for sale

What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "F*** YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".

The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.

The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.

The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or anything.

I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:

Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.

Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't f*** around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey *******, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".

Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)
Another manly bike advert

I am amused ! Thank you. I posted one too. Tokyo craigs. Hope you are amused. TODO

Are you poor?
Are you weak?
Do you not care how you look to the rest of society and those around you?
Are you a person who wears a dress?
Are you a fragile, old, bone brittle senior citizen?

If you answered no to all these questions then ask yourself why is the bike your riding to work everyday that of an old poor handicapped person.

If you answered yes to any of these its not a bad thing but please click the back button on you browser now!

This Bike (if you can call my human powered ground ripping two wheeled chainsaw that) is a machine built from
the ground up for a strong, healthy, powerful human being. Specialized is the Sherman Tank of mountain Bikes. Built from parts and components to last a life time. Able to climb mountains and ford rivers. This model has been with me since its birth and has been my trusted friend. It has taken me thru rain and snow. Over hill and dale and yes even to work and the supermarket.
When you buy a new mountain bike your buying the frame for its quality and geometry. As you put it to the test of the rough trails and rocks and holes you will ride it over, parts fall by the wayside and get replaced with stronger indestructible ones. My bike has all ready gone thru these trials and tribulations making it a super hi bred. If you can ride it hard enough to break parts off it your a bigger stronger better man or woman then me. I certainly cant.

New this bike cost 1900$ Ive been torn with the fact that it cant come with me due to space and storage limitations on my new life.
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