French Porn Convention

WhiteGiant

Maximum Pace
Nov 4, 2006
1,192
240
93
Kita-Ueno
#1
Champagne, frog's legs and Napolean!
These three things alone conjure up images of the Champs-Elysees, rude waiters, and little man syndrome.
However, around July every year something more sinister pervades the atmosphere. It is almost imperceptible to the general public,
who remain oblivious to its presence, except for the inexplicable rise in internet bandwidth usage among the commoners not fortunate enough to have access to Pay-Per-View TV.
This phenomenon, known as the "TDF"to cliquey groups of fans called 'wannabes', is universally watched by lycra-clad voyeuristic pedal-files all around the globe.

The starlets of this TDF, more commonly referred to as "Bio-discular", "Iconoclastic", "Kinetic", "Enlivener"s come from various regions:
Including the USA, Britain, Germany, Spain, and an unusually high percentage coming from Italy. These starlets, or "BIKES", are nothing more than objects of desire,
that prey on the innocent - causing the weaker among us to fork out thousands of dollars per year on lycra, rubber and carbon shafts.
The depravity of these "BIKE"s is matched only by what are known as "Temporally","Energized", "Accelerating", "Maestro"s. These "TEAMS" are
made up of the stars, or 'riders' (no acronym necessary) of the entire cellulose-spending, cerebral-swelling, swear-inducing celluloid experience that is the TDF.

The general public must be warned!
I've searched high and low across the internet for a single source of information on exactly which "BIKEs" will be managed by which "TEAMs", but have found nothing.
This goes to show how secretive all of the elements involved in the TDF have become. The "TEAM"s have their websites, but do not hold much information on their chosen
"BIKE". The "BIKE"s have websites, but their pictures are hard to get hold of.
The "riders"though, are most shameless! These fast & flashy show-offs will appear anywhere, and some of them are not above abusing their "BIKE"s - even on camera!

Therefore, in the interest of public safety and awareness, here is an almost complete list of the "TEAM"s, including a picture of the "BIKE" that each "TEAM" has chosen.
This is not for the faint of heart - In fact, one "BIKE" has chosen to be ridden by two "TEAM"s... Disgusting! And one "TEAM"s "BIKE" is completely missing.
Remember, if you see any of these "BIKE"s anywhere, approach with extreme caution. In some cases, it might be best to approach with your spouse,
in order to save yourself from a potential financial disaster.
REMEMBER: The first step in combatting BIKE-PORN is knowledge & awareness! "Know thy enemy!"

Ag2r La Mondiale
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Agritubel

[p]No Photo Available[/p]

Astana
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Bbox Bouygues Telecom
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Caisse d'Epargne
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Cervelo Test Team
proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jedi-sports.de%2Fimages%2Fproduct_images%2Fpopup_images%2F1513_0.jpg&hash=3b08137f798d190b6be60bf7a8c9eb03


Cofidis
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Euskaltel - Euskadi
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Francaise Des Jeux

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Garmin Slipstream
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Lampre - N.G.C.
proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.teamlampre.com%2Fimg%2Farchivio%2F2992.jpg&hash=0bf4c1088803477cd5b543407c34f564
 

WhiteGiant

Maximum Pace
Nov 4, 2006
1,192
240
93
Kita-Ueno
#2
...And the rest!

Liquigas
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Quickstep
proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.specialized.com%2Fmedia%2F2009%2Fbikes%2F9790-02_SW_TMSL_Red_d.jpg&hash=0b7df7f8115b760b6047e9b702a534f9


Rabobank
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Silence - Lotto
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Skil - Shimano
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Columbia - High Road
proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.scottusa.com%2Fservice%2Ffiles%2Fimages%2Fnews%2Fupload%2Fimage%2FAddict_R4_460.jpg&hash=5f66ddf81fdba845de8a511eb048d0e0


Katusha
proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ridley-bikes.com%2Fgallery%2Fbikes%2Fhelium_901a.jpg&hash=8ad55c582f3a832b9a75ccafc8789aa5


Milram
proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.focus-bikes.com%2Fimg%2Fproduktbilder%2Fgross%2Ffo_izalco_team_milram_frei09.jpg&hash=cdfcef9d68f56936dd58fdd21c488d00


Saxo Bank
proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.specialized.com%2Fmedia%2F2009%2Fbikes%2F9790-02_SW_TMSL_Red_d.jpg&hash=0b7df7f8115b760b6047e9b702a534f9



OR... You can vote for the "Sexiest Bike-Porn Star"!
Rubber Down!
 

FarEast

Maximum Pace
May 25, 2009
5,528
538
193
Yokohama
#3
Hmmm I know exactly what you’re talking about.... went out originally with my wife looking at road bikes at a family orientated sports shops that caters to good wholesome people for the protection of savings and agreed on a nice Speedster for 110,000 Yen.

Then one evening found myself in the more shady parts of Yokohama and fell for the soft carves and flash colours of something that would involve selling either both of my kidneys or the children starting up a new profession at the circus.

Have to say though 1 or 2 of Pinerallo’s at this year’s TDF are sporting the Talon 1k handlebars..... mine arrived yesterday morning :eek:

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WhiteGiant

Maximum Pace
Nov 4, 2006
1,192
240
93
Kita-Ueno
#5
Out of the closet...

Excellent porn, sir, and well presented. :heyhey:

Dunno why, but I love the "newspaper motif" design of the Times. Other favorites are the Looks, Specializeds, and (big surprise) Ridleys.
Thanks Phil,
Actually though, far from the "bike-porn" aspect, I seriously couldn't find a single list anywhere of what bikes are being ridden which teams - No such list seems to exist. Even checking the teams' official websites wasn't very helpful (had to go through some of their photo galleries to find out the bike manufacturers). I suppose they think everyone just "knows"... without being told.

As for a vote, I was quite surprised to see how sexy "Ms.Felt" of the Garmin team is looking these days.
T
 

FarEast

Maximum Pace
May 25, 2009
5,528
538
193
Yokohama
#7
She's a damn good ride too, flexible in all the right places and likes it hard and fast, great when coming from behind for the podium finish and the money shot.


sorry, I will get my coat.