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Any of you on probation?


Maximum Pace
Jan 14, 2007
Bike sex man placed on probation
A bike
Cleaners caught Mr Stewart simulating sex with a bike
A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.

I'm 44 BTW.
hmmm... in my opinion the bike was just asking for it....probably one of those hot little Orbea numbers just parading herself around in nothing but that skimpy orange paintjob!


(gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'bikeporn'...)
Poor guy!!!

It's not really fair, is it?
Sailors have been "friggin' in the riggin' " for centuries, and now when some guy gets lucky enough to get his hands on (probably) some high-quality carbon, he gets done for "wankin' in the crankin' "!
Where's the equality? Where's the justice?
"... I said, SPREAD those chainstays wider!!.., and where's my KY Chain Jelly?..."
Where do hybrids come from?

I hope he was wearing a valve cap...
Back in high-school....

.... we used to just cut a piece of old tube, and tie a knot in one end.
It can get embarrassing when one's favorite frame is with tricycle...:(
The Outrage

I would understand the outrage over this dastardly deed......if the bike was fitted with training wheels.
Good fences make good neighbours....

Man 'attempted sex with fence' in London park
By Matthew Moore
Last Updated: 2:37am GMT 22/11/2007

A drunken man broke into a central London park and attempted to have sex with a fence, a court heard.

Daniel French, 24, made "sexual motions" towards metal railings in Leicester Square Gardens after being challenged by police in the early hours of Sunday morning, Westminster Magistrates' Court was told.

"He said words to the effect of: 'I'm going to have sex with that fence'," said Philip Lemoine, prosecuting.

Leicester Square is a hub for drunken revellers at weekends
"The gardens were locked and police asked French to leave. He was drunk and there were some sexual motions - drunken silliness - to the railings."

Mr Lemoine added: "French said he had a relative who was a solicitor and would teach the police a lesson."

French, of Verity Way, Stevenage, Hertfordshire, admitted being drunk and disorderly after a night out in the West End, but angrily denied making romantic overtures towards the fence.

"That's not right at all about the fence. I was surrounded by three big police officers. I felt I was being bullied and wanted to go home. They were pushing me against the fence and trying to provoke me," he told magistrates on Monday.

"The suggestion that I was trying to do something sexual to the railings is disgusting."

French was sentenced to serve the time he had already spent in custody since his arrest - meaning he was allowed to walk free from court.

Romantic liaisons with inanimate objects are not as uncommon as one might think. Last week a "cycle-sexualist" caught half-naked in a compromising position with his bicycle in a Scottish hostel was put on probation for three years.
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